All in Recaps & Reviews

"13 Reasons Why" Season 3 Premiere: Ani ("Ah-Nee") Arrives to Destroy the Entire Series!

"13 Reasons Why" Season 3 Premiere: Ani ("Ah-Nee") Arrives to Destroy the Entire Series!

TV Snark
Recaps & Reviews

Merry Christmas, 13 Reasons Why fans! The holidays are here early with the gift of a new character nobody asked for! While the Netflix writers are off having drinks thinking their shit don’t stink, we’re here to set the record straight: season 3 of 13 Reasons Why sucks! No one wants to watch The Redemption of a Rapist, and most of all NOBODY wants to listen to some new girl named Ani (pronounced “Ah-Nee”) narrate the next 13 hours of his/her life…

What’s worse than Ani narrating the entirety of season 3 of 13 Reasons Why? We can’t think of many things, but just imagine if Ani narrated your own life! How boring and cheesy she would make it be, and make no mistake, she’d have some smug know-it-all thoughts about you and who you are.

Ah-Nee is an Oh-No for TV and a hard lesson learned for television writers worldwide: Show; don’t tell. And if you want a new narrator, you need a whole new series. Once you’re on the third season of any series, you can’t expect viewers to care about some nobody character when they’ve already invested 26 hours of their life in the other 2600 characters in your show.

Here’s hoping the scathing reviews of 13 Reasons Why season 3 will set these hack writers straight for the fourth and final season. But seeing as how they’re already filming season 4, that’s quite the long shot…

Ah, well, there’s always hate-watching and drinking games every time Ah-Nee interrupts a scene with her cheesy, smugtastic dialogue! Settle in, kids, because this is gonna be a looooooooooooong season!

"Why Women Kill" Wants to Tell Us Why Men Suck, But It Really Has Nothing [New] to Say at All

"Why Women Kill" Wants to Tell Us Why Men Suck, But It Really Has Nothing [New] to Say at All

TV Snark
Recaps & Reviews

Are you a staunch feminist who still loved Desperate Housewives? If you were able to get past the name of Marc Cherry’s most famous show, you might not want to look the other way with his newest endeavor: Why Women Kill. Branded as a “dark comedy,” there isn’t anything particularly dark or funny about the premiere of this new CBS All Access series.

You know what’s dark and funny though? That you have to pay $9.99/month for CBS All Access to watch a show that retells stories we’ve all heard before:

Husband cheats on the doting housewife with the hot blonde at the diner! Check.

Closeted husband cheats with the gay cater-waiter? Check.

Feminists are black, shrill, bisexual polygamists who get bossy with the construction workers revamping their home! Check, check and more checks!!!

Really, the worst part about Why Women Kill is it’s not funny enough to fare as fun summer fare, but it’s not deep or dark enough to tell us anything original. In the “peak” television era of 38490380598430989848 streaming shows, the worst thing you can be is…well, mediocre.

Are You Watching HBO's "Euphoria"? Moral "Panic" Aside, Don't Miss Out on One of the (Best?) New Shows of 2019

Are You Watching HBO's "Euphoria"? Moral "Panic" Aside, Don't Miss Out on One of the (Best?) New Shows of 2019

TV Snark
Recaps & Reviews

Searching for your next television high? In a cesspool “peak” TV era of boredom, more boredom, and lows aplenty, we take an uncharacteristic break from sarcasm to take an honest look at HBO’s “honest” new series Euphoria. The show may not be for everyone, but it does have something to say, and it does so with a certain importance and deliberateness all while engrossing the viewer in a sea of gripping and beautiful cinematographic choices. For once, we’re not watching a handmaid caress burning walls just so the cinematographers can masturbate to their *skillz* (see: Hulu’s The Handmaid’s Tale).

Amazon's "The Boys": It's Candy for Cynics, but Is This Candy Worth Consuming?

Amazon's "The Boys": It's Candy for Cynics, but Is This Candy Worth Consuming?

TV Snark
Recaps & Reviews

Sick of superhero shows? Here’s one to warm your cold, cold, cynical heart. In the new Amazon series, also based on a comic, superheroes abuse their powers, as they most likely would, in the worst possible ways. If you’ve ever dreamed of a superhero “accidentally” murdering the love of your life while flashing his way down the street at lightning speed, this show might be for you. If not, you can still watch for Chace Crawford’s butt.